Ayden and Keeton's Hope - Balloon Healing

July 4, 2025

Today seems to be a good day to share this with everyone. And this is one of my longer writings, but it is necessary to make sure I include all the details. Two years ago today, Ayden and his pappy were arriving back in the United States after spending two weeks in Kenya. I would give anything to drive up to the airport one more time and see him standing there with his luggage just waiting for me to pick him up.

But I digress. Think about when you have suffered a physical injury. Whether it is a cut, bruise, or broken bone, there is a healing process. It takes time, and there are often requirements to help aid that healing process. And sometimes those aids are uncomfortable or painful, but are necessary. For instance, when you cut your finger, you typically wash the area to make sure you don't get an infection. Well, I don't know about you, but soap or rubbing alcohol in an open cut doesn't feel so great, but in the long run, it is needed. And think about if you need stitches to help the wound stay closed as it heals. Those don't feel the greatest going in or being taken out. What about breaking a bone? Sometimes they need to be realigned to heal straight, and then there is the process of wearing a cast to prevent the bones from moving. None of that is comfortable.

And the fact remains, no matter the injury and course of treatment for healing, there will probably be a scar. Even broken bones that have healed have a "scar" that can can be seen on x-rays. Scars are not just evidence of the injury. They are evidence of the healing.

The same goes for other injuries including grief. Healing is still a process, and it isn't very comfortable or pain-free. I have had to do some of the hardest and most painful things in the last two years in order to aid that healing process. God is doing the work, but sometimes He gives me tasks to complete.

Every journey we make to Kenya without Ayden and Keeton is difficult. I always believed we would one day travel together, so traveling without them is just hard. We also tend to travel around difficult times because we feel drawn to complete those trips around significant dates to help with the healing. The first dormitory was started around Ayden's birthday. We celebrated the completion of the first and second dormitories and the starting of the third on Keeton's birthday. Plus, we put up the first set of basketball goals. We went to Maasai Mara to look at potential locations for the school approximately two years to the date of when Ayden was there for his last mission trip. As hard as these trips are for us, the hard is necessary and good for our healing. It doesn't make me miss the boys any less as we heal. In fact, I miss them even more. The healing doesn't make it any easier either. The healing makes my faith and trust stronger.

While on the Maasai Mara, we experienced an amazing wink from heaven. There was just something about that place that just felt like home to Ayden. He loved watching the animals and learning about them in their natural habitats. (It is one thing to see animals in a zoo, but it is different to see them in their own space.) But it wasn't just the animals. It was the people who live there. All the pictures we use on the merch are the ones Ayden took while out on safari in 2023. Ayden only got to see about 15 of his photos in print, but he took over 1,800 of the animals. Each night he would look through the pictures on the camera screen to see what amazing shot he captured. He had his favorite shots. You know the ones that are considered a true "photographer's dream shot."

This is one of his favorite pictures. He was so excited to capture the hot air balloon and ostrich. Each morning, Ayden would watch the balloons launch. There were so many different colored balloons that dotted the skies each morning. He really wanted to go on a balloon ride while he was there, and asked Pappy if they could go. Unfortunately, they did not get to go up in the balloon because they didn't have the extra money. Balloon rides are $450 per person. Ayden promised his pappy that he would come home and work extra, so that when they returned he would be able to pay for both tickets. Well, we know that just a few days after making that promise, Ayden went home to be with Jesus, so he didn't get the opportunity to keep his word. Not going on the balloon ride became a regret for Pappy. And I know what people will say to bring comfort. "It was expensive, and Ayden understood why he couldn't go up in the balloon." And yes, Ayden did understand. Ayden probably understood more than most adults about the value of money and the importance of working to earn money. That is why he promised to earn the money himself and take Pappy up in the balloon. It still doesn't erase the longing to do something that he wanted to do knowing we don't have the chance to do it for him now. (Now, I am not saying for parents to go broke trying to buy everything out of fear for what tomorrow may bring. I am just saying to weigh the costs. Neither of the boys ever asked for a lot, so when they did ask, we tried to do all we could to make it happen. This was one thing that Pappy couldn't make happen, but he wished he had found a way.)

In planning for our trip to work on logistics for the school, I knew this was not going to be an easy trip for us. Pappy had not been back to the Maasai Mara since the accident. Not to mention, it is where Ayden was for his last trip. Walking where he walked and seeing what he saw just days before he went to be with Jesus was surely going to be emotional. I was gearing myself up for all the emotions. As I prayed, I just felt an urgency in regards to the hot air balloon. Since the accident, we have made it our mission to complete the items on the boys' lists. I tried to instill in the boys that their word was their bond. Ayden promised Pappy a balloon ride. I continued to pray about it because I just couldn't get this balloon ride out of my mind. Pappy's birthday would be a few days after we left Kenya, so I thought it would possibly be a present even though it would be difficult. I also didn't even know if he would be able to do it since it is a regret. (There are just some things we can't doYET. They hurt too much and do not promote healing.) I talked with Scott, and he thought we should offer. I prayed some more and felt that Scott and I should also go on the balloon with Pappy. Now, this is where I had to ask if this was really God. You see, I don't like heights. I despise even a step ladder. I would rather pay someone to change my lightbulbs and batteries in the smoke detector than climb on a ladder to do it myself. I don't like looking over the rail of a bridge or balcony either. (And before you ask how I get on airplanes and sit in the window seat, the answer is God and Scott holding my hand!) The three of us going on a balloon ride was going to have to be a God thing for sure. God was going to have to deal with my anxiety related to heights, as well as the strength to do another thing Ayden wanted to do that he didn't get to do. Even after all the praying and discussion with Scott, I still wasn't sure. I talked to Charli about it to see what she thought. She was in agreement too.

I guess that was enough confirmation, so I talked with daddy about us paying for him to take a balloon ride for his birthday. He said he would love to do it since he didn't get to do it with Ayden, but he would only go if I went. I told him that Scott and I were going with him. And with that, we let Pastor Jonathan know that we wanted to do a balloon ride one of the days we were there. He said he would help us schedule it once we got there.

I know some people are thinking that taking this balloon ride it too expensive. And the flesh in me would tell you to mind your business, but there was an urgency to do this that I cannot explain other than it was God. Also, when you think about balloon rides, $450 is not "that" expensive. Before I even offered to do this, I did a massive amount of research. I needed to know if it was safe. There are at least 10 hot air balloon companies that fly over the Maasai Mara. Each balloon is only allowed to fly 850 hours before it is retired and a new one purchased. Balloons on the Maasai Mara launch every day weather permitting. They are inspected before and after every launch. Each balloon has a crew of 6 people who are on the ground making sure the balloon takes off and lands safely. There is a licensed pilot navigating. Balloon rides are at least an hour long, but it depends on the wind how much longer it goes. Also included in the balloon ride is a breakfast buffet on the savannah with whatever animals happen to be traveling in that area. And finally, there is a game drive back to the camp. This is not just a quick up in the air with it still tethered to the ground. The $450 per person is not unreasonable to me. Plus, this is something Ayden would have done if given the opportunity, so the money doesn't matter when it comes to completing this for him and in honor of him.

I realize that this has gotten lengthy, but just stay with me please. God is in this story. He is always there. After arriving, we decided to do the balloon ride on Friday. I paid for our tickets Thursday night. I had no idea what company we were going to fly with, and it didn't really matter because it was about going up in the air and completing this for Ayden and daddy. There are 10 balloon companies, and they are all closely monitored, so the company doesn't matter. Plus, I checked all their stats before talking to daddy about it.

Friday morning, we arrived and they had me sign the three of us on the flight manifest for balloon 2. After about 7 minutes, they called me back over to move us to a different balloon to prevent breaking up a party from a different camp. It was easier to move three people instead of 13. They had me sign the manifest for ballon 4. We were the first 3 names on the manifest. On the way to the launch site, I learned that each company is assigned a different balloon color and pattern. This helps them identify each other in the air, as well as help the Kenya Civil Aviation Authority track the balloons' flights.

Here is our balloon! Turns out we were flying with the company that is in Ayden's picture. They have 10 balloons with the same color and pattern. They also have smaller balloons with the same pattern but different main color. The company launched 3 yellow balloons and 1 blue balloon. Was it a coincidence that we were flying in a yellow balloon? Nope! It was God.

You can see by the first picture that the basket is on the side. This is how it is loaded and unloaded. The pilot takes video footage of the ride, so I am going to include it here for those who would like to watch it. (I did purchase the footage for those worried about copyright.) You will see that I not only am standing up looking over the edge of the basket, but I am doing so without anxiety or fear. I will say that I had a moment as we were loading because it is very awkward, and I was unsure what was happening because I couldn't see. Whispering the name of Jesus was all it took though.

VN20250613_083643.mp4

Video of our balloon ride created by our pilot.

Our flight was just over an hour, and it was beautiful watching the sunrise. (The video is to the left of this.) At one point, Scott took a picture of me, and he said, "You look sad." I told him that I was. Ayden was supposed to be on that ride. I typically don't post pictures of me in those vulnerable moments because I am not a fan of opening myself up like that. You have no idea the comments I get about my grief. People can be so cruel with their words. I post this picture today because I need people to see my reality. Just because a person carries a burden well does not mean it isn't heavy. It also means that I don't carry it alone. And just because you haven't witnessed my tears does not mean I am "over it." One doesn't just get over the loss of two children.

If you look closely, you will see that daddy has a camera around his neck too. That's Ayden's camera. Once we launched, I took pictures of the other two yellow balloons launching with Ayden's camera before swapping to my camera. Daddy didn't take pictures. He just held on to the camera for me.

We had breakfast on the savannah with a small herd of elephants. It was amazing except for the bathroom situation, but that is a story that has to be told in person.

We discussed just how glad we were that we took the balloon ride, and everything felt ok. It wasn't easy, but I had a peace about it. Once we finished eating, the pilot came to the table to bring us certificates for successfully completing our balloon safari ride. He then told us that we could come by and watch the video that he made of our ride. We stepped over to watch it with him, and I just had to have a copy. We do not typically give in to buying the souvenir pictures and videos, but I felt I had to have this video. My heart fell when I realized I didn't bring any money with me. Thankfully Scott had money and didn't question that my request was not typical behavior.

We continued talking with the pilot, trying to figure out how to bring up why this balloon ride was so important. This was not just a balloon ride for us, but we can't just drop Ayden and Keeton in the middle of the conversation with a stranger. We have to figure out if it is best to share their story and how to share their story. We asked him about his flying experience. I think he said he had flown for 25 years and in 8 different countries, including the US. Ultimately, daddy asked me if I had Ayden's picture of the balloon with me. I only had the cover of the planner that I could find easily on my phone. (I need to organize my pictures on my phone.) I showed him the picture and explained we used it on a 2024 planner. He looked at the picture and asked me if I took the picture. I told him that my son took it when he was there in 2023. He then zoomed in on the balloon and said, "That's my balloon. That's me. Look at here at the banner. I just took that banner off and put a new one on. That's the balloon you went up in today." Cue the chills, tears, and all the emotions.

(And before any naysayers ask if anyone else could have been piloting that balloon. No. Pilots are assigned a balloon, and they fly their balloon until it is retired. Then they are assigned the replacement balloon.)

Prior to Friday at launching, we had no idea the company we were flying with, but we ended up flying with the same company. The company has 10 yellow balloons. We were originally assigned to balloon 2, but were moved to balloon 4 just before launching. Even though balloons are retired after 850 hours, and it had been two years since Ayden took the picture, we still ended up in Ayden's balloon.

As amazing as this story is, it wasn't about the balloon. Healing was in the obedience and getting in the balloon. It was about trusting God and being obedient even when it seems a bit out of the ordinary. The God I serve will not let tragedy win. The God I serve shows up in a yellow hot air balloon over the savannah. Before talking with the pilot, I was at peace. I was good with where I was in the healing process after the balloon ride, but God wasn't finished letting us know that He is still in the grief healing business. He showed us that just any hot air balloon ride wasn't enough. A balloon ride in a yellow balloon wasn't enough either. The only balloon that was enough was the one in Ayden's picture.

I guess I should tell you what happened after the pilot let us know that he was in Ayden's picture. We were able to tell him about Ayden and Keeton. We were able to show him some more of Ayden's pictures from the Maasai Mara. We were able to let him know how the balloon ride and our interaction with him just confirmed that God is so amazing. He did ask us why we didn't tell him before the we launched. (Before launching is a bit chaotic, and our story is a bit heavy.) He told us that if he had known, he would have included Ayden's picture in the video. He took a picture of my phone featuring Ayden's picture of his balloon. I had a sudden feeling of disappointment because I wished I had a canvas of the photo to give him, but it isn't easy traveling with canvases, and we had no idea that we would even meet the pilot in the picture. The odds were not exactly in our favor if you think about it logically.

Anyway, we shared our story with Pastor Jonathan once we arrived back at the camp. We also checked to see if he could help us figure out a way to get a canvas to the pilot. God wasn't finished yet. Not only has Pastor Jonathan met the pilot, he is good friends with him. The plan is take a canvas with us on the next trip and make sure the pilot gets it.

While I cried many tears during this trip, each one was evidence that healing was happening.