March 26, 2024

I have a page dedicated to each boy where I describe exactly who they are as individuals, but I have not written about who they are as brothers. I have purposely waited until now to write about their relationship. You see, before God knit them in my womb, He designed them to be brothers. He didn't just design them for me. He created Ayden for Keeton and Keeton for Ayden. He knew Ayden needed Keeton, and Keeton needed Ayden. 

I know I am biased, but the boys are unique and gifted individuals, but as a team, they are extraordinary. I have often described them as salt and pepper. They are as opposite as opposite can be. They each had their callings and tasks to complete, just as salt and pepper affects food differently. Oh, but when you use salt and pepper together, food is elevated. The same goes for the boys. When they worked together as a unit, they were unstoppable. They amplified each other's strengths and compensated for each other's weaknesses. They were designed to be a team. And when God creates the team, that team is destined for greatness because that is who God is. (I am so blessed to be a member of a God-designed sibling team. There was a time when I questioned why God chose me to be the younger sister, but now I know. I am better because I have an older sister. I think we make a pretty great team!)

So let me tell you about them as brothers. Now, don't get me wrong, they argued. They got on each other's nerves. They needed breaks from each other sometimes. They knew exactly how to push the other's button. No one could grate on Ayden's nerves more than Keeton. And no one could frustrate Keeton more than Ayden. Some days, I think they woke up planning to see just how much they could annoy the other. Oh, but when they were not trying to aggravate each other, they worked as a well-oiled machine. There were not many times that you saw one without the other. Even when they were annoying each other, they kept close.

Ayden made an incredible big brother. I said that the boys kept close to each other, so Ayden probably stayed close to Keeton to keep the little bugger out of trouble! Ayden took to his big brother role immediately. I remember Ayden meeting Keeton for the first time. He leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. He wanted to hold him all by himself. He declared Keeton "Bug" on the first day, and appointed himself Bug's protector. I remember so many times Ayden would proudly run up to me and say, "Mommy, Bug lost him paci. I waked him up to give it back to him. Your weltome." Then he would scamper back to whereever Keeton was supposed to be sleeping and play quietly on the floor beside his little brother. (It wasn't too long before most of the family adopted "Bug" in some way shape or form as Keeton's nickname: Keeton-Bug, Keeta-Bug, Keeter-Bug) All it took was one little noise, and Ayden would race to check on Bug. As they boys got older, Ayden would step in to help Keeton accomplish whatever task he was facing. Sometimes that task involved rescuing Keeton from himself and the mess he made! Ayden was the best at finding lost shoes, rescuing bouncy balls that went rogue and rolled under furniture, organizing hot wheels and matchbox cars, and pulling wagons. Ayden also knew exactly what Keeton needed to be successful. I have told you that Ayden planned. He thought through scenarios and created a plan. When Keeton was in kindergarten, he had several lists of sight words to learn. We would practice the words each night, but those words just would not stick. We quickly realized that he learned differently, and we  would have to create strategies to help him master and retain information. Because he struggled to learn the "normal" way, he doubted himself. Ayden picked up on this, came up with a way to help Keeton see proof of his own knowledge. Ayden would take Keeton to the stairs and have him read his sight words. If Keeton recognized a word without any help, Ayden would add a sticker beside it. The times Keeton would say that he didn't know a word, Ayden would say, "no Bug. You have said this word correctly 5 times (or however many stickers were next to the word) already. You do know this word." Once Keeton earned 5 stickers next the each word on the page, Ayden would use his own money to buy Keeton a small toy to celebrate.

Just as Ayden was designed to be a big brother, Keeton was created to be the younger brother. Keeton was Ayden's biggest fan. As much as Keeton loved to be the center of attention, he loved watching Ayden on endeavors. He wanted front row seats always. Even though Keeton looked to Ayden for protection, he was the first to encourage Ayden to give new opportunities a go. Sports were not Ayden's strong suit, but Keeton would make signs and posters to hold up during games to encourage Ayden. Whenever Ayden came off the field or court, Keeton would get close enough to check on Ayden to see if he needed anything. When Ayden earned awards, his Bug was the very first to hug him and congratulate him. Keeton bragged on Ayden's accomplishments. Keeton beamed with pride when Ayden succeed.

Whenever Ayden contrived a plan, he would sketch it out or write out the steps. Then he would say, "Hey Bug. Come check this out and tell me what you think." He wanted Keeton's opinion to a certain extent, but he really wanted his brother's encouragement. Plus, Keeton always added the most outlandish things to the plan, which helped Ayden troubleshoot or dream bigger. Ayden would always tell Keeton when he had a bad day because he could always count on Bug to bring a smile to his face. 

Keeton knew he could depend on Ayden. As a toddler, Keeton called his brother, "Aydie." Even after Keeton could pronounce Ayden's name correctly, he still called him Aydie. As they got older, Keeton would call out for "Aydie" whenever he needed to be rescued from whatever plight he was in. He wanted Ayden close because he knew his brother would look out for him. I cannot tell you how many times Aydie brought towels to the bathroom because Bug forgot to get them before he got in the shower.  Aydie helped with homework, tried to keep Keeton from doing anything dangerous, and found whatever object Bug misplaced. Even though Keeton was becoming independent, he would still call out for Aydie when he needed it, and Aydie would always drop whatever he was doing to see what Bug needed. And when things just seemed too big emotionally for Bug, he would get under Aydie's right arm and stay there until he was able to regain control. (I should note that Ayden was not a fan of others calling him Aydie. That was a privilege reserved for Keeton.)

Ayden may not have always "appreciated" Keeton's uniqueness, but he was not only recognizing Keeton's potential, but embracing it and cultivating it. He was also learning that they each had specific roles in this brother-team. If you have read my blog "That's God," you know about the hat Ayden bought Keeton in Kenya. That wasn't all Ayden brought back to Keeton. After Ayden returned from his first trip to Kenya in 2022, he was presented with a shuka and a rungu. A rungu is a warrior's club. Traditionally it was used for hunting and protecting. When Ayden returned from his trip in 2023, he brought Keeton back a rungu. He had it all wrapped up in bubble wrap and brown paper to make sure it made it home safe. Ayden was so excited about the gifts he purchased for everyone. He proudly unwrapped and showed me each item except Keeton's rungu. He wanted it to be a surprise to everyone. Ayden decided that he would not take the rungu with him because he didn't want it to get messed up. He opted to wait until he and Keeton returned home. 

I noticed that the shape of the rungu was not the same shape as the one Ayden had. When I asked him, Ayden said, "mine is a warrior's rungu, but Keeton's is fancier. It doesn't have the point on it like mine. It has beads on it because it is a chief's rungu." I said, "Ayden why did you get him a fancier rungu?" He said, "because I am called to be a protector, a warrior, but Keeton is called to be a leader. He is supposed to be in charge, and I am supposed to make sure he is safe. His rungu needs to show his job." Ayden never got the chance to give Keeton the rungu because they went to be with Jesus on their way home. On July 10th, with tears streaming down my face, I unwrapped Keeton's rungu. 

I tell you about them as brothers so you understand this next part. We have all heard the saying, "It's isn't carved in stone." This means, whatever you are referring to, is not permanent. There is some flexibility and room to change and adjust. But at some point, there will be something carved in stone.  And there stands a good chance that someone else will be deciding what is literally carved in stone for you. 

Everything I have had to do in the aftermath of Ayden and Keeton's departure for heaven has been difficult. There are just different degrees of difficulty. Ayden and Keeton were exact opposites, but they were a team. Even though they entered their heavenly home together, it has been my goal to ensure the boys are celebrated as individuals, but also as brothers. It would be very easy for Keeton to get lost in Ayden's shadow because Ayden was older and had more opportunties to do more, like travel internationally. It would also be very easy for Ayden to get lost in Keeton's shadow because Keeton's personality and joy filled the room. I struggled when planning their celebration of life service because I wanted to ensure people saw their individual loves, dreams, and personalities. I also wanted people to know them as brothers. This also became a dilemma when trying to design the marker for their final resting place. What do I carve in stone for them? How do I take all they are and shrink it to fit on a headstone? To add to the complexity, I decided to have the boys laid to rest in the same casket. They wouldn't have it any other way. (I know they are not there. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. However as their mama, my first thought was, Keeton is afraid of the dark, and he needs his big brother. So, Bug is tucked up under Aydie's right arm, and they have their rungus.) I needed a companion headstone because they are buried together, but they deserved their own markers too. Most companion stones are designed to go across two plots, not one. Plus, what message would they want to send the world?  We all know that the traditional "loving sons, brothers, and friends" would not work for them. (I did not want a stern talking to when I get to heaven from Keeton for not designing something as unique, amazing, and over the top as he deemed himself!) I won't go through explaining the designing of their headstones because I believe it speaks for itself. It shows exactly who they were separately, who they are as brothers, and their God-designed callings.