December 24, 2024

Ayden and Keeton truly are my heroes. When I think about how they lived, I pray that I live my life in such a way that brings light, joy, love, and hope to all I encounter. Most importantly, I pray my life is a reflection of Jesus and his love for mankind.  

I have avoided sharing about this because it forces me to go back to the day of the accident. This topic makes me relive the first 24 hours and some of the decisions I thought I would never have to make. One of the hardest decisions I faced occurred late at night when Scott and I were alone. The rest of the family had all left to try to get some sleep, while I tried to wake myself up from this unfathomable nightmare. And it wasn’t a difficult decision because I already knew the choice, but it was the circumstance. Plus, it completely caught me off guard because I didn’t even know it was a decision I could make.

I guess it was around 9pm when I received a call from Honorbridge. They had been trying to reach me for some time, but I was not taking any calls. I was in no condition to talk on the phone. Anyway, Honorbridge is an organ and tissue procurement organization in North Carolina. Despite the boys’ extensive injuries, they were both eligible to be donors. Their eligibility was limited, but it was an option. 

I have always known that I wanted to be an organ donor, but that was my choice. I never even thought I would have to make that decision for my boys. And I certainly didn’t think it was possible considering both boys suffered such injuries and went to be with Jesus at the scene of the accident. Yet here I was talking to this soft-spoken gentleman tasked with calling me to ask about organ and tissue donation. 

So here I was, in the middle of the night, hours after both of my boys had moved into heaven faced with whether I would authorize the boys to be donors. 

Despite the fact that the boys’ dad and I were divorced, I did want Honorbridge to contact him and let him know that this was an option for Ayden and Keeton. Ultimately, he left the decision up to me. 

As I wrote earlier, the decision wasn’t the hard part. I know what the boys would have wanted. They loved people. They were willing to do what they could to help others. I know that they would have agreed to the donation if asked. As Ayden and Keeton’s mama, I would never ask them if I had the chance to go back and ask. This type of question forces children to face their own mortality when they should be concerned with being kids. I just know my boys. I know their callings. I know their hearts. The hard part was the realization that the accident wasn’t a nightmare I would wake up from. The decision was forcing me to face something my mind  already knew, but my heart didn’t want to accept: Ayden and Keeton were not coming home to me. They were in their eternal home in heaven. I was not going to see them again until I entered heaven. As their mom, I wasn’t supposed to have to make this decision. I wasn’t supposed to outlive my children, yet here I was. 

After multiple phone calls between 10 and midnight, I authorized Honorbridge to move the boys to Chapel Hill to undergo tissue procurement surgery. Again, their donation was limited, but I still had to give explicit permission on what I was authorizing for donation. I prayed the oddest prayer I think I have ever prayed. “Lord, give me a sign that this is the right decision and tell me what I am supposed to donate.” And He did just that. I am so thankful that God answers even the strangest of prayers. And that He never deems them strange. 

Because of Keeton’s size and other medical factors, he was eligible to donate heart valves and corneas. Ayden was eligible to donate heart valves, corneas, and bone tissue. That was my sign. They could both donate heart valves and corneas. Their desire was for people to be able to see truth and hope and to have their hearts right with Jesus. And even though Ayden was eligible for more, I just did not have a peace about the surgery to remove bone. 

I did not tell many people about the donation because it was a private matter. I also was in a fog. I don’t even remember conversations I had or who stopped by to visit in the days following the accident, so I am not sure who knew this information. Plus, I was not ready to relive the first hours after the accident. There are parts of that day I will probably never talk about, and that’s ok. And even though I don’t want to relive that day, I did have the opportunity to process their donation in a safe place with other donor families in October 2024. I have never dealt with organ and tissue procurement organizations before, but I appreciate Honorbridge so much. They are the “middlemen” between donors and recipients. And even though the donors are no longer here, Honorbridge makes a point to acknowledge and treat the donors like the heroes that they are. 

One of my biggest fears as their mama is that they will be forgotten. I know that is a very confusing thought because their legacies are so big. Yes, we are building children’s homes and schools, sending teens on mission trips, and installing basketball goals, but their lives were so short. The fact of the matter is, they didn’t get to finish all God called them to do. And I know people say, “No, they won’t be forgotten,” but the fact is, out of sight is out of mind. Their absence is my every single second, but I know that my reality is not everyone else’s. The world continues to turn. The sun rises every morning. And life goes on. I certainly don’t expect my boys to be on everyone’s minds everyday just because they are always on my mind. 

Honorbridge is helping ensure that they are not forgotten. Someone on the team stays in contact with me. They check on me on those really tough days, like holidays and birthdays. They send gifts recognizing the boys and the lives they lived on this earth. Both boys received medals of honor for generosity, hope, and compassion. Honorbridge also provides a safe place for donor families to gather and share about our loved ones. They create touching tributes for donors. And more importantly, they say the donors’ names. And for a mama who fears her children will be forgotten, saying their names is vital. It is their identity. It is the first thing I gave them. 

In October, Honorbridge invited me to their offices in Chapel Hill. They created a tribute video for the families that I will link below. If you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, fast forward to minute 15:17 to see Ayden’s tribute slide. Keeton’s tribute is right behind Ayden’s. I encourage you to watch all of the tributes to the donors because all donors’ names are important, but I understand if you do not have the time. Families can also create quilt squares in memory of their donors. I have not had the time to make Ayden and Keeton’s, but I will. My knowledge of fabrics and quilting is quite limited. These quilts serve as traveling tributes to not only share about the donors, but about organ and tissue donation in general. I also had the opportunity to sit with the staff and introduce them to Ayden and Keeton. I got to put faces with the voices who have called to check on me and the rest of the family. I met other mamas who have faced similar loss. Events like this help with the healing as I continue the journey without the boys.

In the last couple of weeks, Honorbridge has also updated me on Ayden and Keeton’s donations. Due to Ayden’s extensive injuries, only his left cornea was transplantable. Because of Ayden’s donation, there is someone out there who can now see. His right cornea and heart valves were not transplantable, but they were eligible for medical research related to diseases like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer's. Both of Keeton’s corneas were transplantable and there are two individuals who have received sight. His heart valves are eligible for transplant as well, but they have not been needed yet. Once a need arises that is a match, Keeton’s heart valves will be available. 

Now Honorbridge will act as the mail carriers or messengers between me and the recipients. You see, I get the honor of introducing the recipients to Ayden and Keeton if and when they would like to know about their donors. 

I did not write about organ and tissue donation because I am trying to convince you to be a donor. That’s something you need to pray about and decide for yourself. If you have questions about organ and tissue donation, Honorbridge has people who can answer those for you. I wrote about it as a part of my own healing journey, but more importantly, I wanted to share with you another avenue of how Ayden and Keeton’s legacies live on in the lives of others. Yes, I am the one who ultimately made the decision for the boys to become donors, but I only did what I knew they would do. And how amazing is it that even their limited donations have changed lives. While the tissue may have been small in size, they are making a difference. 

And I write about it because I want you to pray for those who work for these organizations. You see, they have to speak to families as they face the most excruciating pain ever imaginable. They have to ask the hard questions. They have to be patient with families as they process the loss of a loved one, but stay on a very strict timetable in order to help recipients. They also provide a safe space for families to gather to grieve, honor, and share. And pray for the recipients. Their best day is someone else's worst day. 

The boys will always be my heroes because of all they added to my life, but it is so humbling and reassuring to know that they are heroes to complete strangers. While nothing can make life without them any easier, there is some peace in knowing that there are others receiving a second chance at a fuller life because of Ayden and Keeton. And to all those who make it a point to remember and honor Ayden and Keetons short, but full very lives, I want you to know how much it means to me. Thank you for saying their names.