December 10, 2024

Holidays are very difficult when there is a void. Every activity and tradition I established around the holidays was designed to create memories for Ayden and Keeton. Without them, the wonder and awe associated with this time of the year is gone. Holidays just are not the same. 

One of the traditions I created for the boys dealt with ornaments. If you would like a more detailed explanation about the Mama Exclusive ornament, please click the link.

Long story short, I used to make Ayden and Keeton an ornament each year. Sometimes I made the cousins ornaments as well if I had time. In the spring and early summer of 2023, I designed the ornaments for 2023-2028. I didn't want to procrastinate, and I wanted to make sure the ornaments were made in case something ever happened to me. Nothing prepared me for July 2023. 

I couldn't give out the original ornament designed for Christmas 2023, so I designed a new one using one of the last skeins of yarn Ayden and Keeton bought for me. Our adult children, nephew, and cousins all have a cross made from the yarn the boys picked out for me for Mother's Day 2023. I called them Memorial Ornaments, and I made extra to sell.

Well, this year, I still was stuck on what to do about Mama Exclusive ornaments. 

Do I give out the original 2024 ornaments that I made before the boys' move to heaven? 

Do I give out the original 2023 ornaments that I put away last year? 

Do I make something new like I did last year? 

And then to throw a monkey wrench in my dilemma, what about mama's ornament? 

You see, I didn't just make ornaments for Ayden and Keeton. I made an ornament for my mama and sister. I didn't limit myself to a crocheted ornament for them. Sometimes I painted. Sometimes I used fabric. I just did whatever inspired me to be crafty. My only restriction was that I used Christmas colors for mama's ornament. Mama loved all things Christmas. Garland, nutcrackers, wreaths, red bows, village houses, lights, trees, and ornaments filled the house. Now, it wasn't tacky. It was classy and designed to perfection. She decorated for weeks. And while she loved ornaments, she took the traditional approach and used red, green, and white with a touch of silver or gold. My sister loves ornaments too, but she loves the hodgepodge of stories and colors that can come with tree decorating. No theme is required for her tree except that each ornament be meaningful. She is perfectly content with a neon yellow ornament hanging on her tree. Mama would have put a crazy colored ornament on her tree because she loved me, but it probably wouldn't be on the tree next year! Despite their differing opinions about ornaments, I still made them similar ornaments to add to their trees. Mama received a traditional one, while Charli received one in whatever color combination I came up with. 

In November 2023, I made mama and Charli's ornaments for the year. We had to celebrate Christmas a different way last year. I will write about that later, but I sat with Scott, mama, daddy, Charli, Brian and Matthew last Christmas and designed mama and Charli's ornaments for 2024, 2025, and 2026. I had no idea I would not get the chance to give mama her ornaments. Because of what happened with mama, I really contemplated not making ornaments again. I felt so defeated. I was so mad at myself for being "too prepared." It was as if I should have learned my lesson about making ornaments too far in advance. I know that it was just me being in my feelings, but I wouldn't be faced with this dilemma again if I had not made ornaments in advance. 

So the question still remained, should I do an ornament in honor of mama instead of what I already designed? And did I really want to make some to sell? After a lot of prayer and conversations with Scott and Charli, I decided I would hand out the original 2024 Mama Exclusive Ornaments. There would be no redesigning this year. Charli would still receive the one I designed for her for 2024, and I would figure out what to do with mama's later. (After daddy decided to put up a tree in his house, I added mama's 2024 ornament to it.)

This year's Mama Exclusive Ornament is a heart. It just seems fitting given the year we have had. Last year I changed the ornament to a cross as a reminder of Jesus' love for us. The heart is my reminder of the love I have for all of my children, not just the two I carried.  It's the love for young men living at Osiligi Farm, who made my mama heart smile in a way that it hasn't since July 2023. It's the love I hold on to when my hope seems to be fleeting. 

(For my adult children and cousins, if you keep reading, you will know what your ornament is before you receive it.)

This year's Mama Exclusive is made from yarn the boys picked out for me to use in a blanket when I first learned to crochet. I had this grand idea that I would make a blanket out of small squares, and each sqaure would be a different variegated yarn. Well, I started the blanket, but I didn't finish it because I got bored! The yarn for the project sat in a tote just waiting to be used. I remembered describing the blanket idea to the boys. I also remembered taking them with me to shop for all the colors. Keeton was contained in the back of the cart because there was no telling what kind of shenanigans he would have gotten in to while I looked. Ayden picked out colors and lined them up in the top of the cart, checking to see if the colors would be okay together. Once Ayden decided a color was worthy to be included, Keeton added it to the bottom of the cart. He would later lay on the yarn because sue it was softer than the cart. Since I doubted I would pick up the project again, I decided that I was going to repurpose all the yarn they picked out for their ornaments over the next few years. 

I also decided to make a limited number of heart ornaments using a similar pattern for others to purchase. I made them using green and red since these are Ayden and Keeton's favorite colors. These are the 2024 Ayden and Keeton's Hope Memorial Ornament. They are $5 each. The money will go into the sponsorships to help send teenagers on their first international mission trip.